Earth movement

I took a shovel and didn’t stop shoveling for three months.

Unstoppable , from dust till dawn the dirt was flying in all directions. Mountains were created , piles of dirt were moved and holes were digged. 

The frustration of not finding a job was giving me a boost of energy. The only thing that had his advantage in those frustrating times was the lonely wild garden in the town of Loksbergen. 

I digged my thoughts away. Thoughts i wouldn’t think about. I was living in a future imaginary world, things and plans that i could do. The way i wanna live , the way i wanna work. And then you had the real world that was forcing me to dig and to keep digging till the time was there to step back on a plane and leave this fantasy rainbow world behind.

I was wondering if maybe i should have come as an illegal or a refugee to my birth country.  

Maybe then it was easier to find a job and to receive financial support. As a born Belgian returning to your birthplace you start completely a new. No work means literally no money. 

No minimal live support of the country where you were born in. So the clock was ticking.

And real hard and fast. 

Another pile of dirt was moved. Another path was created. But the final flight was getting closer and close relations were getting further.

More frustrations and more isolated i just kept digging. Alone and sweaty . But hè , the garden of the second Eva was starting to get a shape. A pile of dirt excising of stones, bricks and other building shit ,that was laying around the last two years was shattered away to create a path in the backyard. The backyard full of weed and wild plant received his first pathway and his first water leveled area. An underground network of rats was exposed and ruined by the never ending dig of the shovel. Skeletons of murdered pigs were exposed. It’s amazing what you find if you keep digging of frustration.

But with all the joy of digging up useless artifacts i forgot that the clock merciless kept ticking away time , a few more weeks and that was the end of all the plans and dreams that i had to start a new chapter. 

All my good spirit and intentions were also shoveled away. All that was left over was a tired   dreamer robbed of his dreams with a shovel in his bare hands full of blisters.

Frustrations

There are no words for. 

Three months of subscribing to every database you imagine that’s job related. Three months of applying for jobs ,jobs from mailman to iron melting , while losing the counts of  the amount of jobs you put your name on, and  even managing to apply different times for the same job. 

But what makes it so frustrated is that you receive every week an email saying there are 10342 new jobs available but you never gets a response of all the  mails you send.

But maybe it s my previous work that i did for a interim office and the comments i had that put me on a blacklist. like they do when people aren’t able to pay there bills anymore. I never heard  an interim office again after my post. Maybe they started to think i am one of those investigators from a TV show that goes undercover.

But my frustrations are having consequences. My believe in my weekly email that says there are 12322 new jobs available is gone. My believe that a interim office really calls you because they really want you to have a job , is gone. Maybe they get a fonds for every new client they get in there database. Because once you react on a job ad , the interim office contacts you straight away to come to the office because the job ad is urgent. and once you are in the date base you are lost and forgotten.

The final drop in the bucket was when one of the interim said they couldn’t help me because i was already in there database.

So i’m wondering if everything is a cover up of the real situation. There are no jobs. Interim just are paying them selves by getting as many employees and getting the big firms to do excursions in there own company by interim employees.

But my frustration doesn’t stop. At the end i need money and in desperate times you try to look for other means. Online there are millions of ways to make millions, but they are only creative people who are trying to make there own money by willing people who freely post a little bit of money in the hope they get a lot of money in return but still are waiting for that money. So maybe i have to start asking donations and financial support on the Internet.

So the big smile i had when i stepped from the plane is gone. I am a immigrant in my own birth country. Choices that i made freely are changed to choices that i m obliged to do involuntary. The rainbow i saw shining is a long way away and getting every day further and further. 

Everybody has his own life that demands there own time. 

Mrs. D

Mrs. D. is gone. A tear rolls down on my cheek.

Flashbacks are going trough my head.

My first encounter with this lady. I barely payed attention to this old lady. She was standing lonely in the back , all covered in dust, ignoring everyone and everything. just waiting. It’s because a good mate putted my attention to the red beast standing in the corner , that i looked at here. i really could say that It wasn’t love on first sight. No, still to this moment i thank Koen to persuade and introduce her to me . 

Since that moment on, we were inseparable. All kind of adventures were laying ahead of us.  As in every relation , we had our good days and bad days. We cursed, cried and laughed. 

One of the trips i still remember was the box road trip. Twenty two boxes were stacked on the roof rack and we drove from Melbourne to Alice springs , trying to avoid every low bridge that was on our way.. She didn’t give a sound with all that weight on her back. and we just cruised for three days trough the red desert and finally the boxes were safely delivered in the outback town. Not one box left behind on this memorable road trip.

But Mrs. D. was on her best on the dirt track. That’s also were she gets her name from. Mrs. Dirty. Her steady slow speed on the bitumen was just a camouflage of what was really in her heart. We travelled on unexplored tracks, drove on the sandy beaches , conquered steep sand dunes and crossed wild rivers. She loved it all. And she never let me down at all those moments. We travelled thousands of k’s on dirt and slept together at those wonderful spots we discovered on those many explorations. Our hearts were alike. We showed a relax and easygoing presence but we were un tamable and wild when we were in the right environment.

We spend 7 years together, shared everything. Intimate moments and public moments. Embarrassing moments and moments to be proud off. We had it all. So it was a sad day when our roads together took a different turn. 

It was time to say good bye to her and just to keep the memories of her alive.A lost touch , a last look at her standing again alone 

Farewell my lovely trusted Mrs D.